What, naps?

Thanks for all the parenting tips.

Blaine is so sweet. I just love him so much.

About two weeks ago he decided that he didn't need as much sleep as he had been getting, and he started seriously teething. (I think.) Overnight he stopped taking his naps. So now we are back to the guessing game. He's fussy--tired, hungry, teething, or just plain grouchy? I guess I should call the Ezzos. Grin. He still goes to sleep on his own at night and sleeps for eleven to twelve hours. For that, I am very grateful.

He loves sitting up and has finally started standing (with help) and supporting his own weight. He likes rice cereal and hates zucchini, but doesn't eat more than half a tablespoon at each meal. I'd like to know how children KNOW how to make that facial expression that just says it all, "YUCK!" I haven't given up yet, though. The experts say that it can take up to 12-15 different chances to taste a new flavor before children decide they like it, and most parents stop at 5 or 6.

Being a mom has taught me: why every mom thinks their child is the most amazing creation. They truly are.

Question for the day: Why do we all insist on learning about sin the hard way? Why do I feel sometimes as if I was cut out of the same cloth as the Israelites in the Old Testament? Why does it take personal pain to make us reach out to God and become forgiving and accepting of others? Why do relationships have to hurt so much?

I really do love my church and I have found some very Godly friends in the three years I've attended. When you need someone to pray with you and you can think of more than one person who you could trust to pray without even needing to know what they are praying for...that's special.

Tips: Birth to Six Months

Parenting tips. I love them. I love good stories about goofy things kids do and say. So, the question of the day is this:

What advice would you give a new mom and dad with a newborn? How did you gain this insight, through personal experience or observation?

I have several tips from personal experience.

Tip 1: If you are have trouble with sore nipples, go buy some Soothies available at Rite Aid, Walgreens, and Fred Meyer. They are expensive, but well worth it the feeling of relief when applied. They also last longer if you cut them up in thirds.

Tip 2: Three months IS the magic number and breastfeeding DID get so much easier as Blaine grew. Don't give up.

Tip 3: Brag to your friends about how supportive and wonderful your husband was during labor, delivery, and the first weeks of recovery at home. If your husband is like mine, he will eat it up! And then go change another messy diaper. Grin.

Tip 4: Enjoy your tiny newborn. They sleep all the time, but I loved just holding him. If he was sleeping and I wanted to hold him and just revel in being a mom, I would go pick him up and hold him as long as I felt like it. I said to myself, "I'm the mom; I can hold him whenever I want."

Other tips, anyone?

Odds 'N Ends

On advice:

I'm all for experienced moms giving advice or telling a relevant story about an experience they have had with their child. It's especially helpful in a context where everyone understands that all kids are different and if one person's solution doesn't work for you, you haven't failed, you just need to keep looking for the solution that works for your child and your situation. And, all good advice should end with prayer. The advisor should pray for the advisee, and the advisee should take the story, the advice, the idea, and pray about it. God has spoken to me many times through my interaction with others, their advice, and ideas generated through our conversation. So, you experienced moms are not allowed off the hook just because you don't want to give advice. Well-spoken advice and encouragement can help us newbies feel less alone, less inadequate, and less intimidated by the job God has handed to us. Whether your idea works or not is beside the point. The point is that you care enough to try to help.

On Ezzo:

Formulaic parenting is not the answer. Hint: read more than just Ezzo. Think, filter, pray, read the Bible, discuss your ideas with your friends and family and other parents. Another series I want to see sometime is called "Shepherding a Child's Heart." I saw the first session one time and it really ministered to me. I forget who was speaking, and I believe the speaker also wrote a book by the same name. (I think.)

On Parenting:

I learned when I was a teacher that it would have been much easier if children acted like little adults; then I realized that if that were the case, my position would become partially irrelevant. As a parent it's the same story. As a teacher, the more I understood about the subject matter, the easier it was to teach it. As a parent, same story. The state has many requirements for teacher education and certification and none for parents. Don't get me wrong, I don't think the state should necessarily venture there, but who really makes the biggest contribution to the child's development and his or her ability to reach their potential and become contributing members of society? The parent or the teacher? Therefore it is my opinion that it behooves parents to read and study and learn and ask questions sooner rather than later.

On Education:

Knowing how to think is far more important than formal education. Or, as my sis, the doc, mentioned last night, the goal of education is to teach one how to think. That goal can be attained at any level beginning with an elementary education; for example, my dad only went through eighth grade and was one of the most informed people I have ever known. He self-educated himself through reading, observation, and conversation with knowledgeable people. One anon posting seemed to indicate that us educated folk look down our noses at the uneducated commentators--whatever gave you that idea? There are many moms I admire who never went to college. It is not the lack of formal education that bothers me in some parents. Instead it is the lack of desire to learn about parenting and a lack of personal reflection about how they are parenting (except when dealing with a "crisis" type of "acting out" situation and such like) and a lack of setting attainable parenting goals...they don't read books, they don't attend seminars, they don't watch video series, they don't pursue conversations with other parents, they don't have family devotions, they don't make their family a priority over work or hobbies or whatever, they don't recognize that God may have a different plan for their children's life than He had for their own life (i.e. Even though farming is my life, God might not call my sons to farm.), they don't seem to have a passion to "train up their children in the way they should go with the gifts they have been given..." This is what I react to when I see it.

On Good Parenting:

I've seen a lot of it in spite of the negative description above. That's how I know it can be done. In a future blog, I plan to solicit your favorite parenting tips, so be thinking.

On Feeding:

Blaine has been eating rice cereal for almost a week. And since I'm a new mom, I get excited over small things. Yesterday morning I excitedly called to Phil from the kitchen, "Blaine just opened his mouth for a bite three times in a row." He has progressed to getting more food in his mouth than on his bib. I had no idea that infants needed to learn how to eat. I think that I thought once they had their first bite of food, they would automatically figure it out and would immediately desire a regular serving size of food at every meal. It's been fun to see the learning process and how it progresses in minute increments.

On Lots of Comments:

Wow! Thanks for commenting. We must, however, watch the chatter. When ITF comments too often, I question the depth of the conversation. (How DO you write with inflection so everyone knows exactly what you mean?) I did appreciate the lessons in blog etiquette since I am new in blogland myself.

Being a mom has taught me: Little feet and cute toeses are more fun to kiss than big feet and hairy toes.

Blaine's newest skill: Using his hands to remove the cloth over his face when playing peekaboo. Before he would just kick and thrash wildly; now he knows how to pull it off.

Real Food Coming Up

We bought a high chair yesterday evening. Phil came home and put it together. The tray mechanism doesn't work properly so we need to return it. Oh bother.

We also bought some rice cereal, a handled sippy cup, and four baby spoons with rubber on the spoon part. They even turn white if the food is too hot.

I am so excited about feeding our child real food. I was all ready to start him off this morning, highchair or not, but Phil wouldn't hear of it. The man that has been after me for the last two months to feed our son manly food is making me wait till he can be around to witness the monumental event. I guess the big meal will be supper tonight.

Last night we ate out at Red Lobster (with a $4 coupon, I might add, as well as a gift card we bought at a 20% discount) and when I was changing Blaine in the restroom, a mom with two children in tow came through. She smiled at me, cooed over Blaine, and asked me if it was my first. Then she smiled again and said "I miss that age." Her children are 4, 10, and 12 (or something). The funny thing was, that for the first time when someone has said this to me, I didn't get the impression that she wished her children were that age again. Rather I got the impression that she enjoyed that stage to its fullest as she is currently enjoying her current stage. She saw me, remembered, and felt healthy nostalgia. That's the mom I want to be 12 years.

Being a mom has taught me: A well rested baby is a happy baby.

Blaine's newest skill: Sitting up by himself on the floor in the boppy pillow. He has not mastered rescuing himself after he pitches on his nose, however.

Mrs. Know-It-All

We just hate them, don't we? People that go around and act like they have it all figured out and that they are just slightly smarter and better informed than anyone else. Somehow they always have an answer for everything and even though you might actually value them as friends, something in you resents their attitude and implores you to find subtle ways to put them down and discredit their ideas.

I think that I come across sometimes as a "know-it-all." Just for the record, I don't know it all. In fact, the more I learn, the more I realize how little I know.

Last night we had a family gathering that included my family as well as my aunts and uncles and cousins. By the end of the evening I was totally irritated at my family. "Why so?" you ask. "Your family is so nice...and fun...and interesting...and according to BB's blog your one brother is the epitome of Christianity." Well, we all have our carnal moments.

Here's the phenomena.

Each of us tends to be rather egocentric. "What, the world doesn't revolve around me and my ideas? Fancy that."

Each of us tends to be satisfied with our own opinions, choices, and ways of reconciling the world we have with the world we want. "What, you've made different choices? Well, here's how it works for me; I'm an experienced mom (or new mom), and I'm sure I have nothing to learn from you."

Many of us prefer to parent the way we were parented rather than looking for better ways or even the best way given our particular situation. (Meaning: the best way isn't one way for everyone; it's the best way for you with the variables God has given you.) "Parenting is easy; don't worry so much; I turned out OK; it will all come out in the wash."

And then, many of us look down the noses of our experience at those who are newly experiencing a given situation and condescendingly smile. And my spirit writhes within me when I am the recipient of that smile.

What did I learn from last night? I prayed that I would be an encourager to all even those I perceive as "know-it-alls." I prayed that I would never lose my desire to learn. I realized that perhaps my ideas would come across in a more constructive manner if I remember to value the opinions of the experienced moms around me--ask their advice, listen to their stories. All the things that irritated me in my various family members? I don't want to be those things to others.

It is very easy, however, to get on a bandwagon of what works for you and in the process end up devaluing other equally valid scenarios that work for others. My problem is that I often perceive parents as reactive rather than proactive. I don't always see their long term goals for the children and sometimes, though I'm sure they have positive end results in mind, I do not see them implementing a series of steps to reach them. And that's what I don't get.

Parenting is the ultimate challenge. I want to raise children who change the world whether it be in small ways or large ways. When I was a teenager, a mom of some of my peers said of her sons, "My boys aren't leaders." Somehow she didn't recognize their potential...all three of them are currently in leadership positions and doing it very well. Wouldn't it have made a positive difference in her mothering if she recognized them as leaders when they were teenagers instead of underestimating their God-given capabilities? Wouldn't they have then been even better equipped for the leadership positions God had for them?

So, my sister-in-law very kindly said to me last night (without the patronizing smile, I might add), "You sound like a new mom." I don't deny that I'm going about the process of parenting with youthful passionate idealism, but I like to suppose that it is also combined with some centered goals and well-defined steps to accomplish those goals. I've had years to contemplate how to raise children. I've watched my siblings' families with keen interest taking many mental notes. B's children are so polite and hospitable. D's children are so creative and inquisitive. L's children enjoy working and are always willing to help with whatever needs doing. J's children are so well adjusted and pleasant to be around. The interesting thing is to analyze how those children became that way. Most times it is a direct result of the way they were parented.

You see, I don't see parenting as a shot in the dark. Do you? What is parenting to you? Are there any absolute principles you follow?

And then, as I have been reminded three times today in three different ways as I was thinking about the contents of this discourse. It is not about us and our expertise and our parenting skills; it's not about what I know or don't know. We water, and God gives the increase. I am where I am today more as a result of my mother's prayers than as a result of perfect parenting although I am grateful for many of the ways I was parented. Seems to me we owe it to our children to parent them the best we know how, with intelligence and research, and then pray daily for God to bless them, keep them, and draw them to Himself.

Being a mom has taught me: Other kids' poop smells worse than your own child's poop.

Blaine's newest skill: blowing bubbles