Mrs. Know-It-All

We just hate them, don't we? People that go around and act like they have it all figured out and that they are just slightly smarter and better informed than anyone else. Somehow they always have an answer for everything and even though you might actually value them as friends, something in you resents their attitude and implores you to find subtle ways to put them down and discredit their ideas.

I think that I come across sometimes as a "know-it-all." Just for the record, I don't know it all. In fact, the more I learn, the more I realize how little I know.

Last night we had a family gathering that included my family as well as my aunts and uncles and cousins. By the end of the evening I was totally irritated at my family. "Why so?" you ask. "Your family is so nice...and fun...and interesting...and according to BB's blog your one brother is the epitome of Christianity." Well, we all have our carnal moments.

Here's the phenomena.

Each of us tends to be rather egocentric. "What, the world doesn't revolve around me and my ideas? Fancy that."

Each of us tends to be satisfied with our own opinions, choices, and ways of reconciling the world we have with the world we want. "What, you've made different choices? Well, here's how it works for me; I'm an experienced mom (or new mom), and I'm sure I have nothing to learn from you."

Many of us prefer to parent the way we were parented rather than looking for better ways or even the best way given our particular situation. (Meaning: the best way isn't one way for everyone; it's the best way for you with the variables God has given you.) "Parenting is easy; don't worry so much; I turned out OK; it will all come out in the wash."

And then, many of us look down the noses of our experience at those who are newly experiencing a given situation and condescendingly smile. And my spirit writhes within me when I am the recipient of that smile.

What did I learn from last night? I prayed that I would be an encourager to all even those I perceive as "know-it-alls." I prayed that I would never lose my desire to learn. I realized that perhaps my ideas would come across in a more constructive manner if I remember to value the opinions of the experienced moms around me--ask their advice, listen to their stories. All the things that irritated me in my various family members? I don't want to be those things to others.

It is very easy, however, to get on a bandwagon of what works for you and in the process end up devaluing other equally valid scenarios that work for others. My problem is that I often perceive parents as reactive rather than proactive. I don't always see their long term goals for the children and sometimes, though I'm sure they have positive end results in mind, I do not see them implementing a series of steps to reach them. And that's what I don't get.

Parenting is the ultimate challenge. I want to raise children who change the world whether it be in small ways or large ways. When I was a teenager, a mom of some of my peers said of her sons, "My boys aren't leaders." Somehow she didn't recognize their potential...all three of them are currently in leadership positions and doing it very well. Wouldn't it have made a positive difference in her mothering if she recognized them as leaders when they were teenagers instead of underestimating their God-given capabilities? Wouldn't they have then been even better equipped for the leadership positions God had for them?

So, my sister-in-law very kindly said to me last night (without the patronizing smile, I might add), "You sound like a new mom." I don't deny that I'm going about the process of parenting with youthful passionate idealism, but I like to suppose that it is also combined with some centered goals and well-defined steps to accomplish those goals. I've had years to contemplate how to raise children. I've watched my siblings' families with keen interest taking many mental notes. B's children are so polite and hospitable. D's children are so creative and inquisitive. L's children enjoy working and are always willing to help with whatever needs doing. J's children are so well adjusted and pleasant to be around. The interesting thing is to analyze how those children became that way. Most times it is a direct result of the way they were parented.

You see, I don't see parenting as a shot in the dark. Do you? What is parenting to you? Are there any absolute principles you follow?

And then, as I have been reminded three times today in three different ways as I was thinking about the contents of this discourse. It is not about us and our expertise and our parenting skills; it's not about what I know or don't know. We water, and God gives the increase. I am where I am today more as a result of my mother's prayers than as a result of perfect parenting although I am grateful for many of the ways I was parented. Seems to me we owe it to our children to parent them the best we know how, with intelligence and research, and then pray daily for God to bless them, keep them, and draw them to Himself.

Being a mom has taught me: Other kids' poop smells worse than your own child's poop.

Blaine's newest skill: blowing bubbles