Obey Quickly; Obey Cheerfully; Obey Completely

We have been sick for three weeks at this house.  Not solid, but as soon as one thing was over the next one hit--from throwing up, fever, and sore throat to coughs and runny noses that just won't quit.  I think we are over the hump, however.  I haven't been sick for so long, that I thought it was my superior constitution.  Well, now I know that it was simply the Lord's mercies.

I have been wanting to get back to cyberspace for a long time, so here is my stab at it.  We'll see if I can maintain some consistency.  I like to talk about things that matter.  Right now, I am in the middle of parenting young children.  I love parenting, and I love my children, and I love figuring out how to do it better.  And, according to Beth Moore, a true teacher is one who has a burning need to share whatever she's learned with everyone possible.  Whether that's true or not, I love sharing things I've learned.  I am going to try to do that from time to time.  It is my hope and prayer that my thoughts will encourage you in the grand endeavor of becoming like Christ.

Phil and I have three children.  Blaine (5), Cassie (4), and Kara (1).  Blaine will turn six in a week, and the girls have their birthdays in the summer.  It has been a good six years of learning.

We worked on obedience this week.  Again.  And I know we'll work on it again this week and next week.  It is a recurring theme in parenting.  My children obey pretty good; it is something so important to our family's happiness and their growth that I try to make it a priority.  But, sometimes a parent gets busy and lax or the child has a surge in growth or mental acuity and decides to test the rules again and discovers their elasticity.  If you are like me, you wonder what happened and for a minute you feel like a failure, but then you hunker down and focus on the basics again.

We have an obedience rule at this house.  Obey quickly; obey cheerfully; obey completely.*  Obedience is only complete when all three are obeyed.  They are good rules for children and good rules for adults regarding our obedience to God.  Obey quickly; obey cheerfully; obey completely.  I use these words all the time with my children, and they understand them.  They even pray them sometimes in the evening.  For me, they give real definition to the obedience I want to teach my children--obedience is not real obedience without a quick response of submission to authority, a cheerful attitude of wanting to obey, and the character qualities of diligence and determination that follow through and finish.

Verse for the day (Matthew 18:23):  Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, it is very hard for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

Thought for the day:  What are you rich in?  What is making it hard for you to enter the Kingdom of Heaven?  What is your idol that is so fulfilling or fun or necessary to you but that gets in the way of time with the Lord or doing His will?

Quote of the day (Blaine):  "Shelley's baby is just so cute, Mom.  Don't you think so?"

*These ideas are present in Scripture and other parenting resources that I have read.  The source of these exact words for me was my Mom who got them from Shannon Krabill who used them during a Children's Meeting at her church.

The Real Deal on Submission

We have been studying the book “The Excellent Wife” in our ladies’ Bible study group, and it has helped me clarify some thoughts regarding how to live a truly Biblical marriage that God outlines in Scripture. Take Ephesians 5:22-33, for instance. Sandwiched between “wives submit to your husbands” in verse 22 and “…and the wife must respect her husband” at the tail end of verse 33 is a whole treatise on how the husband is supposed cherish, sacrifice for, nourish, and love his wife. A Godly marriage that is a picture of Christ and the church takes both of these components—a respectful, submissive wife and a loving, unselfish husband. It seems to me that verse 21 sums it up, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

It seems to me that both the church and the secular world has taken the word “submission” and defined it differently than Scripture. I was raised feeling like true submission was this big heavy cloud of blind obedience that would be impossible for one of my temperament to live up to. Somehow all the sermons I heard on the subject lambasted women to be submissive and didn’t have much to say about the husband’s role. The examples I saw around me didn’t necessarily dispel this myth.

The secular world seems to look at submission, as Christianity defines it, as an ugly word that dehumanizes women and makes them less of a person. Equality in the relationship is the goal; one is just as valuable as the other—and, just for good measure, the secular woman appears to think that she indeed should have more control in the relationship than her husband.

Both of these perspectives perhaps have their base in Scripture, but the concepts have become distorted. It has been renewing and revitalizing to realize just exactly how wrong both of these definitions are. What is submission?

1. It is an attitude that permeates all of life. All of us must submit to something whether it be the laws of the land or our boss at work. The sooner we recognize this fact, the easier it will be for us to get along in life on every level.
2. Submission to my husband is not the first issue. The first issue is submission to God. Am I willing to obey God? “If ye love me, you will obey what I command.” (John 14:15) If so, the concept of submitting to other authorities is not so vexing.
3. Here’s my practical definition that relates to me in my current situation: Submission is an attitude of wanting to first please God and second put my husband’s needs and wishes before my own (unselfishness). It involves actions of deferring to him while at the same time communicating my thoughts, ideas, and preferences in a godly, non-demanding way. Submission is not blind obedience, but rather it is righteous deference.

For myself, I choose (usually) to focus on my responsibilities as a wife rather than first looking to my husband to be more Godly before I can change. The Amplified Bible uses synonyms to help explain the meaning in the original text, and it has been helpful in clarifying my understanding of Biblical submission.

Ephesians 5:22 (Amplified) “Wives, be subject—be submissive and adapt yourselves—to your own husbands as a service to the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:33b (Amplified) “…and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband—that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.”

So, part of submission is adapting yourself to your husband rather that expecting him to adapt to you. When people get married, they have different backgrounds, different expectations, different ideas…who moves closer to whom? Just as the husband is responsible to provide for his family and be the spiritual leader in the home, it is the wife’s responsibility to adapt herself to her husband and his preferences.
In verse 33, the descriptive phrases are ones that must be in place for a marriage to remain a viable relationship. Any relationship would thrive on these attributes—how much more important it is to treat your husband even better than you would treat your friends. This relationship with your husband should be the closest and most lasting human relationship possible. Respect defined by noticing, regarding, honoring, prefering, venerating, esteeming, defering, praising, loving, and admiring are actions that will only nourish and strengthen the vow to “love and cherish till death do us part.”
Being a mom has taught me: Patience!

Blaine's newest skill: Not walking yet! Scooting on his bottom, feeding himself, clapping and high fives...but not walking.

Question for the day: What is your definition of modesty?

On Television and Movies

Lately I have become more sensitive to violence, bad language, immodest clothing, and sexual implications that are pretty rampant on most programs and in most current movies. We like to think that what we watch for entertainment doesn't affect us--we are adults; we can deal with it. Satan would have us believe this lie. At the best, he uses these ways to rob us of our time that could be better spent, and at the worst, he uses this method to feed our carnality and set us up to fall into other related sins.

Really, whether we can deal with it or not is beside the point. Most (not all) Hollywood productions I have seen are blatantly contrary to Philipians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praise worthy--think about such things." You can't watch a show or a movie depicting ungodliness and fulfill this command.

Daniel fled temptation at personal cost that resulted in jail time. We invite it into our living rooms. It is not "fleeing temptation" to watch scenes depicting actions Christians should not engage it. It is not "fleeing temptation" to expose yourself to a Victoria Secret commercial. It is not "fleeing temptation" to allow ungodliness to enter your mind through these mediums.

Paul has more to say in Ephesians 5; I will paraphrase and quote. First he tells us to be followers of God remembering the great sacrifice Christ made for us. Then he lists sins that "should not be named among" Christians--fornication, uncleanness, covetousness, filthiness, foolish talking, or jesting. He adds that "no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God." Then he lays it on the line for those of us living in the twenty-first century with access to Hollywood entertainment, "Be not ye therefore partakers with them" and also in verses eleven and twelve, "And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret."

Isn't watching being "partakers with them"? To say it another way, the dollar speaks--it doesn't speak reproof when we support the industry by renting or buying products that promote a humanistic perspective, include acts of violence, or depict other sins described in these Scriptures.

Oh, but we'll watch a story that includes some, perhaps many, of these very sins if it's a new release by a big name actor. And we call it entertainment. And we say it doesn't affect us. I shouldn't even know what a strip club looks like, I've never been inside one in person; I wouldn't even think of going there. Unfortunately, most of us that watch television or movies have a pretty good idea of what the interior of a strip club might look like. However fleeting these ungodly images are, it has become my opinion that they pollute the story and make the whole presentation unpalatable. In the words of Scripture, "a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump." In plain English, a single scene is reason enough to not watch the whole show or movie.

Why have we as Christians become conditioned to accept Hollywood fare and call it good entertainment? Why do we just fast forward through those suggestive sex scenes instead of calling it soft porn as it really is? While a good "who-done-it" is interesting, why do we accept all the blood and gore that goes with it, instead of realizing that the entertainment value is not worth the ungodliness that is included? These principles apply to any form of entertainment, but television and movies are what I've been thinking about lately.

If any of my nieces and nephew or former students read this, tell me what you think. I sound old, don't I? I must not even enjoy watching movies? I do, actually. My friends know that I enjoy movies as much as the next one. And, I'm not proud of all my choices in the past. The real question has nothing to do with my age, likes and dislikes, or past or present choices. The questions to ask are, "Is it true? Should I be more careful about what I watch for entertainment? Can I turn it off and not have to see how the story ends if I realize what I'm watching is less than upbuilding? Do I spend more time indulging in entertainment than I do in constructive occupations that help me to become more Godly in my thoughts and actions?" Ignore my thoughts and ideas as you like, but do not ignore what Scripture says:

"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out." Romans 12:2

Being a mom has taught me: My choices and actions and freedoms affect more than just me. They will directly affect my son and the most important choice he will ever make in his life--to choose or reject Jesus.

Blaine's newest skill: Wrinkling up his nose so everyone laughs. (I haven't actually seen this since it was new this morning at "Gongey's"--his paternal grandmother.)

A Wife's Most Important Job

Have you ever looked around and wondered how some women do it? They seem so Godly and serene while their husbands seem anything but. Have you ever pitied their situation and felt sorry for them and wished their husbands were more of the men God created them to be? And then there are those wives that deal with similar situations and struggle and do not seem particularly Godly or serene. I never understood what made the difference, but through some personal circumstances, I believe I have stumbled onto the key.

Last week in a devotional at a bridal shower for a young girl from our church, I shared my ideas about what makes the difference. As I was thinking and praying about what to share, I tried to remember the key points given at my bridal showers and my wedding some three years ago. While I remember bits and pieces, no piece of advice stands out to me as having had major impact on the failure or success of our marriage. That put my importance as a shower speaker in proper perspective, but also prompted me to try to think of just one thing I could share that would impact this young bride at this busy, exciting time.

"There are lots of good books about how to have a wonderful Godly marriage," I began, "read them! Your most important job as a wife, however, is your personal relationship with Jesus Christ."

"What? Not submitting? Not having an ever-ready listening ear? No loving him in his love language? Not meeting his physical needs? Not providing companionship? Not becoming expert in all the areas in the marriage book Pastor James gave us that we are currently reading together?" I couldn't read her mind, but she may have had these thoughts.

There is something about that statement that makes one stop and think and question its accuracy. Are we, as Christian wives, so caught up in "doing" for our husbands and children that we forget about "being"? The only way to be is to be in Christ. So, I repeat for my benefit and yours, "Your most important job as a wife is growing in your personal relationship with Jesus Christ."

That's how Godly women in less than perfect marriages do it. They understand that the secret to their serenity lies in Jesus not their husbands. I remember when I first began to grasp this concept early in our marriage. Phil hurt me; I don't remember what happened except that he had no idea he had hurt me. He left for work, and I wallowed in tears and bruised feelings and disillusionment and anger. That day (or the next day or maybe even the next, I don't remember) I sat with my Bible and read and prayed and listened for God's voice. He gave me peace and a forgiving spirit that allowed me to release all my hurt feelings without the necessity of a "heart-to-heart" chat with my husband. I learned that day that God IS enough. That when Phil doesn't meet all my needs adequately, God will. As I told the young bride-to-be, "When you look to your husband to meet all your needs, you are setting yourselves up for imminent failure!" And, when you substitute a relationship with your husband for a relationship with Jesus, you are sabotaging both your marriage and possibly your eternal destiny.

The importance of our personal relationship with Christ does not change with marriage, although in actuality, I think I acted like it did without realizing it. We wives raised in the church have heard it so many times. The husband is to be the spiritual leader of the home; the wife is to submit. While true, these maxims are not the whole story. The fact that the husband is to be the spiritual leader does not erase the wife's personal responsibility toward maintaining her own spiritual health. That is a concept I did not understand as well as I should have when I got married, but one that God has been teaching me.

Dating, engagement, wedding planning, the wedding, the honeymoon, first home--experiencing all the nuances of marriage is exciting, emotional, and exhilarating. It the busyness and togetherness and loss of loneliness, it is easy to get into spiritual habits that are, well, perhaps not wrong, but certainly not the best. It is easy to justify them by thoughts that put the blame on your husband for not being the proper spiritual leader and exerting the necessary self-discipline for both of you. I have come to realize that my spiritual healthiness is my own personal problem and while I enjoy my husband's spiritual leadership, I cannot abdicate my own responsibility before God in this area. It is my responsibility to discipline myself to spend time in the Word, pray, meditate, and then put into practice what God is teaching me. I cannot excuse myself in any area because my husband is not leading me properly regardless of whether he actually is or isn't.

There's more. Not only is a wife's most important job her relationship with Christ, a Christian wife should be salt and light in the home to her family. (I'm focusing on wives because I am one. The same is true for husbands.) Women are unique to the marriage partnership. We bring qualities that are different from what men bring. These differences are not meant to become irritants that push marriage partners apart, but instead should be managed in a way that solidifies the marriage.

For example, women tend to value quality time together more than men. Time when you sit together and do nothing except talk. Newspapers and magazines away, TV or VCR off, children in bed--just the two of you talking. Men want down time. Women want together time. Somehow we got onto this subject last week at our ladies' Bible study, and I encouraged the ladies to not reject their desire for together time even if their husbands don't value it or initiate it. I believe that God gave women that need and that it is something unique and important that wives bring to the marriage covenant that has huge impact on the success and growth their marriages. I believe that this together time is of equal value to both partners even though wives seem to value it more. Strong marriages only come when partners learn to communicate--that only happens where there is actual talking. So, I encouraged us to pray about finding Godly ways to encourage this activity rather than just accepting our husbands preferences and living without it to the overall detriment to both spouses and the health of the marriage.

Another example of being salt and light in the home could involve watching television and videos or playing video games. Men seem to get more addicted to these activities than women although I realize this probably doesn't hold true in all cases. So, it seems to me, if these time-thieves are less of an attraction to the wife, than it is the wife's responsibility to guard her own eyes and mind and seek through prayer, tactful words, and Godly example to promote other wholesome activities.

I have found that our evening time is better spent when I plan my day to complete my work before supper and have flexible activities available for after supper. Every husband needs "down time," but that does not have to last the whole evening. If I preserve time and energy to play with my child and interact with my husband around things he enjoys rather than scrambling around to complete my tasks, I have found that all of us use our time much more wisely in the evening.

Being a mom has taught me: How to be more productive in the role of homemaker. I think I get just as much or more done since Blaine than I did before Blaine.

Blaine's newest skill: Throwing a ball. About two weeks ago he started throwing with this perfect overhand motion. He'll sit on the floor for a half an hour or more and "play ball" with me.

Goals

My goal was to begin regularly posting every week, and this weekend was the targeted time. Well, I missed it my first try.

We are currently watching the second round of videos depicting parenting Ezzo-style--Let the Children Come Along the Toddler Years. (Please, please, have mercy, I'm shielding my face with my arms to stave off the deluge of negative vibes zinging my way.) My learning from last night: "Train so you don't have to retrain." Sounds like a good goal to me. I also personally liked the idea of teaching Blaine to keep his hands under his tray while I'm feeding him since at this point all they do is get in the way and make a mess. Then when he's full, he can get his little paws up there and play with Cherries or his favorite toys (Wobblers from Phil's Frosted Flakes box--like father, like son--free toys are the best!) He has not managed to deposit a Cheerio in his own mouth yet, but his grasping abilities are certainly improving.

I didn't agree with everything I heard, however. (Yes, well, I seldom do.) I don't personally think breastfed four to six month old babies need any juice at all since it is mostly just sugar. Also, one of the other mothers was telling me that apple juice is the worst fruit juice to give an infant according to new studies because it is very hard for them to digest. Could be. And, I personally think six months old is soon enough for most breastfed babies to begin solid foods although I agree that it depends on the child and his/her readiness. What I really don't understand is why a four hour feeding schedule is the Ezzo goal. Blaine loves to eat every three hours. If he's particularly interested in something and we are away from home, he often can last more than three hours, but at home, I can't imagine the annoyance of having to deal with a fussy baby for an extra hour when a feeding will make him happy and probably put him to sleep. And, as I do reading regarding weight loss and weight control, I find that many experts advise more frequent meals of smaller quantities than our typical three meals-a-day. So why four hours for baby?

I find that as I parent my perspective changes. Most of you knew that would happen yet were too kind to throw it in my face. I can admit when I'm wrong or even half wrong. It's good for my humility. For example, I have more kind feelings than I did toward those mothers who rock their babies to sleep. There is something very special about them snuggling down and then dozing off. I also have more kind feelings toward those mothers who have either not been successful or have chosen not to put their babies on a schedule. Why? Let me explain.

This summer, I had a very scheduled life and Blaine consequently, I believe, had a schedule that meshed with mine. We worked it out, anyway, and it was great. I knew when he was going to nap; he knew when we were going over to the farm, when he would get to see his beloved Gongey, when we would go home for a bath and bed. When harvest ceased, so did my schedule. Then abruptly, I had no schedule, and then, frustration of all frustrations...neither did Blaine.

After too many times of Blaine throwing a screaming fit instead of going down for a nap and going to sleep on his own like he had been doing for about two months, it occurred to me that I had been trying to plan my life around his naps and given the ministry opportunities God was bringing my way, perhaps this was not the way I should be planning my schedule. I also wondered if his nap needs were changing with his growth, but whatever I tried, he would not go to sleep on his own for his naps although he did/does at night. I came to realize that perhaps God wanted me to relax and quit planning my life around Blaine's nap schedule since my happy little boy is pretty much happy regardless of a schedule or not. There you have it from me, older, wiser, and more merciful.

Being a mom has taught me: I have less advice for other parents than I used to. (Grin!)

Blaine's newest skill: He rolled over! Let me repeat, he FINALLY rolled over!

A Mom of Two

Several weeks ago I was the mother of two for the weekend. My niece Jenny came Thursday morning and stayed through Sunday morning. It is exhausting to be the mother of two.

I didn't know six-year-olds were so smart. We went to our church library on Thursday and borrowed some books and videos. Jenny chose her tried-and-true favorites, The Berenstein Bears. One of the books taught her a new word when the little poem in the front that tells the moral of the tale used the word compromise. It was a new word and a new concept for Jenny, but after my explanation, she seemed to understand. The rest of the weekend, she probably found five or six situations that she correctly pointed out to me as some form of compromise.

I didn't know six-year-olds liked such healthy food. Her favorite snacks were plums, cherry tomatoes, and carrot sticks. She didn't turn down M&M's and ice cream although the cinnamon rolls were a little too sweet for her. She did refuse to try the zucchini and seemed to have a secret fear that I wouldn't make my food the same as her mother. She ate heartily for such a little thing, but strangely seemed to drink hardly any water. I hope she does not have a predisposition to kidney stones like her two aunts.

I didn't know six-year-olds could be so sweet. Saturday afternoon she was bored, and I was busy. Then I heard these tiny sad sounds coming from the bedroom. When I went to investigate, there she was curled up under her fuzzy blanket with such a woebegone little face. I gave her a hug, and she said, "I don't know why I'm crying; I just feel like it." Later she let me know that she was missing her little snugly blanket that she had forgotten at home. After describing it to me and refusing to borrow one of Blaine's, she cheered up and joined us for supper.

I didn't know six-year-olds found kissing so embarrassing. Phil and I have a tradition. After we pray over our food, we kiss. Jenny would hide her eyes every time and didn't see any humor in the tradition. We laughed when we noticed, but she refused to discuss it so I have no idea what was going on in her brain. I did ask her if she had ever seen her parents kiss which she had, so I guess it was just because it was us, and she wasn't used to it.

I didn't know six-year-olds were such theologians. Once she asked me, "Do you ever wear pants?" (For those of you non-Mennonites out there, pants are the ultimate clothing evil for a conservative Mennonite woman.) "Yes," I answered. "Well, you still look like a lady, so you are still obeying the Bible," she announced. I was impressed that she put all that together in her head rather than condemning me in her mind for not practicing a scriptural principle the way her family does. It has always been my challenge to mentor my nieces and nephews in their walk with the Lord. In the process, I have determined to do my best to never undermine their parent's values even if I personally do not apply them the same. It makes for interesting honest conversations.

Sorry so long between postings. I'm going to try to get into posting at least once a week. My schedule has been in flux but is settling down again. As I told one of my friends who questioned my silence, "Blogging thrives on a busy husband and an isolated mom." I have been out and about, Phil has been home more, and my correspondence reflects those facts.

Being a mom has taught me: I still love building dams across rivers or creeks. (Phil and I took Jenny and Blaine swimming in the Calapooia the Saturday Jenny was here.)

Blaine's newest skill: Making noise--dropping his toys on the floor over and over again when in his exersaucer or high chair, holding two toys and banging them together, and babbling at the top of his lungs whether at home or in church.

Question for the day: Why is Blaine scared of the big pink plastic ball I bought for a dollar at Shop N Kart?

What, naps?

Thanks for all the parenting tips.

Blaine is so sweet. I just love him so much.

About two weeks ago he decided that he didn't need as much sleep as he had been getting, and he started seriously teething. (I think.) Overnight he stopped taking his naps. So now we are back to the guessing game. He's fussy--tired, hungry, teething, or just plain grouchy? I guess I should call the Ezzos. Grin. He still goes to sleep on his own at night and sleeps for eleven to twelve hours. For that, I am very grateful.

He loves sitting up and has finally started standing (with help) and supporting his own weight. He likes rice cereal and hates zucchini, but doesn't eat more than half a tablespoon at each meal. I'd like to know how children KNOW how to make that facial expression that just says it all, "YUCK!" I haven't given up yet, though. The experts say that it can take up to 12-15 different chances to taste a new flavor before children decide they like it, and most parents stop at 5 or 6.

Being a mom has taught me: why every mom thinks their child is the most amazing creation. They truly are.

Question for the day: Why do we all insist on learning about sin the hard way? Why do I feel sometimes as if I was cut out of the same cloth as the Israelites in the Old Testament? Why does it take personal pain to make us reach out to God and become forgiving and accepting of others? Why do relationships have to hurt so much?

I really do love my church and I have found some very Godly friends in the three years I've attended. When you need someone to pray with you and you can think of more than one person who you could trust to pray without even needing to know what they are praying for...that's special.